denial

I am sure about only one thing right now. That one thing is that I am leading a life of denial. I miss India too much but still do not put in a effort to go back, how weak is that. India is where my heart is, I miss the rickshaw's, the smoke and talking to every damn stranger on the street. I miss sitting with parents and having a cup of tea. I miss talking to my brother and fighting with him. I want to take Ishmeet to powai and show her all the places. I pray to God to help me here.

Lately, a lot of things have been going in my head. I want to do so many things and yet I cannot do anything. All I am doing right now is finishing every damn project that comes my way, be it work or personal life. I want to be a better sikh, I want to be a better Indian, I want to be a better human being, I want to be a better engineer, I want to be a better husband, I want to be a better son, I want to be a better brother, I want to be a better friend. There are so many "I want" in my head. I guess I should stop thinking about myself and look at the bigger picture, sort of like Gandhiji's Talisman which used to be there on the first left hand paper of every NCERT textbook. It read something like this:

"I will give you a talisman. Whenever you are in doubt, or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test. Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man [woman] whom you may have seen, and ask yourself, if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him [her]. Will he [she] gain anything by it? Will it restore him [her] to a control over his [her] own life and destiny? In other words, will it lead to swaraj [freedom] for the hungry and spiritually starving millions?
Then you will find your doubts and your self melt away."

Alright mates.....lets wake up tomorrow and try to do something good for someone else with no expecations. This word "sewa" as I am writing it, is soothing me so much I cannot express it in words. It feels like I got all my answers.